Monday, 7 April 2014
Hey! So I was having a bit of trouble with my anxiety last night and started writing a bog post about how I was feeling. I totally forgot I had done this until I went into my posts this morning and found this draft. It's not a proper full blog post but I just thought I would share anyway.
I have mentioned before that I have problems with depression and anxiety but since December I have been on medication and feeling a lot better. Not amazing and like everything was wonderful all of a sudden but better. However tonight I have been going through a difficult time with my anxiety. I have never ever been a good sleeper. Except when I was a lickle baby but even when I was a child not sure how old but primary school age of some sort I used to not want to go to sleep incase the house went on fire in the night. That's how long I have had problems! So now at 24 that sort of thing doesn't really cross my mind anymore. It's more about losing people I love and care about or dying myself and that I am not making the most of my life. I feel like right now I need to do something about it, but obviously I can't. Ok it might not be perfect but it's a lot better than what some people go through and I need to learn to make the most of what I have and enjoy it. I feel like I am almost at panic attack stage and when I lived at home I would go through to my mum and dad and they would have to try and calm me down but now I have moved out I can't do that and waking Graham is a mission and a half. I am so restless I can't lie still. I lie down, sit up, go for a wander. I find it so hard to calm down when I start thinking like this. The only thing that makes me feel a little better is finding the kitten and cuddling her. She always makes me happy with her cuteness, and then hopefully I will fall asleep. I hate this feeling.
Yeah so I thought I would post this so that you could understand what goes through people's heads when they have anxiety. I think there is a lot of understanding around it these days but sometime's people will tell you are just being silly thinking like this. I don't think everyone understands that you don't choose to think like this you can't help it. Once that first thought crosses your mind it is hard to get out of that way of thinking. I find distractions the best solution, like I said my kitten, or a funny film or just anything cheerful.
I'm sorry this is a bit of a glum post but this is just part of my life and talking about it can sometimes help. If you have similar problems with Anxiety and Depression please do go and visit your GP I put it off for years and just got worse because I didn't want to be on medication but you know what taking one pill a day to help me get out of bed and get on with life isn't all that bad. Medication isn't the only option though, counselling is useful to some people too. Just don't try and put up with it and end up suffering ok?
I hope this was useful to at least one person, now to try and liven up and get on with my day :-)