A little bit more serious of a post today, but I have really been struggling with anxiety this year and feel like I need to talk about it. I have spoke about it before but I need to get this out and you guys seem like the easiest to talk to right now. I know that I really need to go to the Dr and get some real help with it but the problem is I'm too anxious to do that! I know some of the things I come out with regarding my anxiety are absolutely ridiculous but I can't help these thoughts going through my head.
Generally my anxiety isn't too much of an issue during the day, night time is when I struggle most. During the winter months I really struggled with the dark nights to the point I wouldn't drive myself home from work after a 10 o' clock shift. It's not so bad at the moment due to the lighter nights.
Basically my anxiety mainly is around my fear of death. Even typing that is so hard. I avoid thinking about it as much as I possibly can and when faced with having to think about it I panic.
If anyone is having a conversation that has anything to do with death I have to walk away I just can't face it. Even if it's something on a tv programme I will change the channel.
It's not all about my fear of death, other things trigger it too. The phone ringing for example. That's right the phone ringing. If I don't know who is calling I will sometimes go to the extreme and hide from the phone like it's going to get me! Or if I don't know who is knocking at the door I will find somewhere I can see the door but they won't see me and stand as still and quiet as possible until they go away. I guess that's a fear of the unknown.
That would tie in with the fact if I'm going anywhere new I have to know exactly how to get there and what to expect once I am there.
I'm like a scared little child in my own home.
And the only place I feel safe when I am like this ... my bed. Not so helpful when I am out and about.
In some ways I should feel lucky, for all I have anxiety I have never experienced a full on panic attack.
I have had to get help with depression before and thankfully it's no longer a big issue for me and I know that now I need to deal with the anxiety and start living my life without being scared to do anything . I will deal with this and get over it one way or another. I won't let this control my life and stop me doing the things I want to do.
Have any of you experienced anxiety? Do you have any tips to help with it?