Thursday, 7 January 2016

Roller Coaster

If you read my post a couple of days ago you will know it was pretty positive and about how happy I have been recently. Get ready for the opposite. 

For a while there I thought I had forgotten how to cry. It was so odd to me that when my marriage ended I didn't shed a tear, although I had done a lot of that in the months leading to the break up. I put it down to the fact that I had already done my crying and that was that. 

Yeah...turns out I can still cry. I think maybe there just hadn't been that closure yet. I mean in my mind it was over, done, finished, but there wasn't really a falling out or any cheating or any specific thing that made it final.

Until now. 

I won't go into details but basically I got a bit of a shock when I logged onto Facebook the other morning to see a post regarding my ex's relationship status. 

Now it is nothing to do with me and he can do what he wants with his life. All the same it was a shock and I guess it was probably that final bit of closure. 

I don't really know how to explain what I mean. I never wanted to go back on the decision I made because I know it was definitely the right one for me, but knowing that door is completely closed (although it felt more like slammed in my face) it's just WEIRD! 

I knew the day would come when one of us would move on...I just didn't think it would be so soon. None of that matters though. 

I will get through this little rough patch. Like I said the other day I think I am probably spending far to much time home alone, I need to start getting out and living my life. 

I need to put the last 6 years behind me. I always think regrets are pointless and I hope one day I can look at those years and not regret them, maybe even learn from them. Right now though...I've basically lost 6 years of my life.

I know a lot of people will look at this post and wonder why I am telling the world about it, but it helps for some reason. I'm not good at talking to people about how I feel, especially those close to me but this way I can let them know without having to say it face to face and break down! 

Honestly though I will be OK.

I'm stronger than I think I am, and god knows I am stubborn as hell so I am not going to let this ruin my determination to be happy!!

See I'm still smiling! 


Julz xx

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