Sunday, 7 February 2016

I'm OK...I Think

If you have been reading Just Julz for a while you will know that for the past couple of years anxiety has been a big part of my life. I just thought I would do a little bit of an update on my mental health!

I think I may be over the worst of it now, last year was certainly the worst I have been.
I had gotten to the stage where if I was on a 10pm finish I wouldn't even be able to drive myself the 15/20 min drive home. I would have to leave my car at work and get someone to pick me up. It became a regular occurrence, not just a now and again kind of thing. 

It is only now that I am coming to the conclusion that all of this was probably mostly down to the fact that deep down I knew I wasn't happy. It's like I was hiding something from myself. I knew something wasn't right and that I needed to do something about it but I was avoiding it and burying everything deep down. It was probably the stress from all of this that made me so anxious. 

I thought maybe changing my job would help and it did but not completely. Honestly it's only since I have become honest with myself and started facing up to my problems that I have gotten better with my anxiety.

I still get anxious now and again. Usually at night when I should be sleeping but instead I'm over thinking everything! It's ok though I can usually distract myself either by watching something on YouTube or popping on some music and dancing around my living around like a right dafty (like in the picture above). I certainly don't get to the panicking stage. 

I've been lucky in the sense that I haven't ever had a panic attack but I seriously was getting to the point where I thought it was only a matter of time until I did. It was just getting worse and worse every day. Nothing could distract me from feeling anxious it was horrible!

All of a sudden I don't feel like that anymore and it's great. When someone asks how I am I say I'm OK and for the first time in so long I actually am.  All I can think is that I have made positive changes in my life (changed my job, ended a relationship) . I haven't done anything else to help my anxiety anyway. 

Like I say I still get anxious now and again and I although I can get out of it quite easily now I also spend a lot of time wondering what has triggered it. I need to keep being honest with myself and stop avoiding any issues I have.

Problems are not just going to go away if I ignore them, I know that. I need to to talk to someone or write it down when I am really struggling. I just find it so difficult. I completely overthink things as well. Like if I do or say something stupid in front of someone I will think and think and think about it and torment myself. I know they probably think nothing more about it but I still torment myself. Or if I do something slightly wrong, until someone confirms that it's ok or I didn't actually do it wrong it will run through my mind over and over again. It's honestly exhausting worrying so much.

All in all though I am so pleased with how much better my anxiety is. I know I need to work on my happiness but I have made such huge steps towards being happy just by getting over, for the most part, my anxiety. 

I just don't think anxiety and depression, well mental health in general, is talked about as much as it should be. There isn't really a great deal of professional support out there unless you are willing to pay for it. To be honest I'm not sure how helpful it would be anyway, it's much more beneficial to hear from other people who have been through the same thing and made it out the other side. There is always hope don't give up on yourself.

I think that's the key. Make yourself number one in your life and do what makes you happy. It might cost you some people along the way but if they really cared they would support any decision you make. 

I'm not going to say I'm completely over it because I don't think it ever really goes away and I don't want to jinx things. For now though I'm OK. Life is only going to get better from here right? :)

Julz xx


  1. It's going to get much better :) Well done on coming this far, Julz, it's a hard old slog sometimes and tough to keep heads above water but it sounds like you're making some great changes xxxx
    Gillian  xx

    1. Thank you! you're right it definitely isn't easy but it will get better :) xx