Friday, 22 April 2016

The Saddest Day

I wrote this yesterday and have debated long and hard about whether to post it or not but this blog really has become a coping mechanism for me so I'm going to do what I need to.

Sunny days are normally happy days for me. I never thought I could be so sad on such a beautiful day. Today is different though.

Today is the saddest day.

When I went to sleep last night everything was OK, when I woke up this morning it all came crashing down.

I have lost one of the most important people in my life. 

My gran.

I feel so lucky to have made it to 26 years old with all of my grandparents around but unfortunately I won't make it to 27 with them all.

All of the family are coming together but none of us can do anything to change what's happened. It's a case of what now?

There are tears left right and centre and I'm here looking cold with no tears in my eyes. Don't get me wrong I am devasted and there has been tears and will be many more but I am not a public crier.

It's times like these I'm grateful I'm the type of person who always expects the worst. Normally it's a hindrance to me but in this case at least I was kind of prepared and can be strong for others.

I don't think it has totally sunk in for me yet. I know it's happened but at the same time I don't want to believe it . I guess once the funeral is done and everyone has gone home and I'm back to work, that is when it will hit me. Getting back to normality but it won't be the normal I knew before, because she won't be there.

I'm glad she is at peace though. She had been ill for a while and on oxygen 24/7. She was so tired, so at least she can rest now.

I will miss her every single day. My gran has always been a big part of my life and it's going to be so hard getting used to her not being around. Little things like not texting her to let her know I got home safe will be odd.

I know she wouldn't want us all moping around though and we need to be thinking about the good times and celebrating the time we had with her. It's easier said than done right now of course.

It's just made me realise you never know what's around the corner and tomorrow is never promised. I need to do some serious thinking about what I want to do with my life and stop wasting so much of it away doing nothing. Gran was just telling me the other day that I need to get out and do things more, so that's what I am going to do.

As often as I can I will be out and about whether it's just a short walk or off on an adventure somewhere. Make every day count.

There is so much more I could say but I'd be here all day, so I will keep it simple.

Rest In Peace Gran 

Love you always.

Julz xx

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